Dear Mr. Jefferson,
The field of architecture is something I have been interested in for some time. As I approach the point in my life where I can now begin to consider a future career, I realize that my interest in architecture has only grown through the years. I know that you have an extensive collection of books in the field of architecture. There is one in particular that I respectfully ask if I may borrow. The book that is of interest to me is called Palladian Architecture by Andrea Palladio. I feel this book would significantly meet my needs as it would provide valuable information in my chosen career path.
When I was in the seventh grade, I did a Science experiment that taught me the best way to build a structure. The assignment, according to my teacher, was to “create a structure that can withstand the weight of three textbooks.” Throughout the project, I had to experiment with several different geometric designs. I found the trial and error required in the experiment to be not only challenging, but also thrilling. The pride my group felt in determining the best design was immense. What we discovered was that the best design for building a structure was to design the frame using triangles. I was amazed at the sheer strength the triangle shape allowed. It was during this time that I determined that architecture could be a potential career choice for me.
In keeping with this interest, last summer I had the opportunity to work for a custom home builder, assisting in the construction of a two-story home. The builder allowed me to meet the architect and observe his plans. I noticed that the triangle principle learned in seventh grade was utilized in the plans for this house. It was also exciting to me to notice that this same style of architecture is used at your University of Virginia where the Palladian style was incorporated.
Thank you for considering my request to borrow Palladian Architecture by Andrea Palladio. I feel that this book could provide considerable help to me as I begin a career in architecture.
Sincerely,
Tanner Hollinger
Impressive! You demonstrate a strong connection between you and Jefferson. Good use of specific examples to show your interest in architecture and the strength of triangles. Sounds like you could, indeed, be an architect. Go for it! Writing-wise, let me show you how to make two of your sentences more concise. 1) "The pride my group felt in determining the best design was immense." Try this instead: "My group felt immense pride in determining the best design." 2)"What we discovered was that the best design for building a structure was to design the frame using triangles." Try something like: "We discovered that the best design used triangles." See? Concise. Good job here!
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